It's a Trap!

Imagine a scenario where you send your 7 year old upstairs to get dressed for church, and she comes back in an outfit that meets the requirements (no running shorts or tank tops), but doesn't match and includes tall boots in the middle of summer.

Do you send her back up upstairs to change, which causes a big argument, and causes a sour mood for the whole household? Or do you realize her outfit doesn't matter that much, compliment her on getting ready on time, and head out the door?

Imagine that you ask someone on your team at work/committee/extended family/spouse to handle a project because you don't have time. But then check in with them, give "suggestions" and generally do it anyway.

Do you find yourself just as busy or busier than you were before you asked for their help, only you have annoyed or insulted someone else in the process?

Imagine you ask your 11 year old to pick up the family room. He "folds" the blankets by putting them in a nice pile, shoves the toys into a cabinet, and tosses the pillows haphazardly on the couch. He completes the job and he's proud, but the room doesn't look like it's ready to be photographed for HGTV.

Do you find yourself re-folding and pillow arranging and generally sending the message that what he did isn't good enough? Or, do you thank him for his help?

Always being the expert is a trap.

It makes us feel good, and superior, yet continually adds to frustration and overwhelm. By doing it ALL, you are sending the message that only YOU can know/do/be everything.

We insist on doing it all, and then we have the nerve to complain that life is overwhelming, and that we are crazy busy.

When I help my clients (and myself!) try to get to the bottom of this, there is usually a story we are telling ourselves. The story is something like, I have to do everything right, and I need to be seen as valuable. When in truth, no one is perfect, and having perfectly dressed children does not add to the valuable person you already are.

Ponder this: What would happen if you let someone else do something that previously only you could do? 

PS I totally straightened the pillows after he went to bed. Baby steps!