How to Stop People-Pleasing AND Still Be a Kind Human

Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” while your whole body is screaming “no”? 🙋‍♀️

If so, you’re not alone. People-pleasing is a survival strategy many of us (especially women) learned early on. We’re told to be helpful, agreeable, selfless—and somewhere along the way, we start equating our worth with how much we do for everyone else.

But here’s the thing: constantly putting yourself last isn’t sustainable. It leads to exhaustion and resentment. 

But I’m a nice person . . . 

You might feel like saying yes is the “nice” thing to do. Because it feels like kindness to say “yes” to your friend, your mom, or a colleague.

People pleasing is actually rooted in fear — fear of being judged, rejected, or seen as selfish. It’s giving from a place of obligation, not from genuine love or choice. And that doesn’t feel good for you or the other person.

But true kindness?

True kindness is rooted in authenticity and intention. It’s doing something because it aligns with your values, not because you’re trying to avoid guilt or keep the peace at your own expense.

Sometimes, two things are true . . . 

• You can say no and still be a kind, loving human. 

• You can set a boundary and still care deeply about the other person.

Let me give you an example:

💭 People pleasing says: “I’ll say yes even though I’m exhausted because I don’t want them to think I’m rude.”

💪 Kind honesty says: “I care about you so much — and I need to take care of myself tonight. Can we reschedule?”

The second response is honest and respectful — to both people. That’s kindness with boundaries. That’s what we’re aiming for.

LOVING LATELY

I’ve been on a fiction reading kick lately! I just finished The Paradise Triology books by Elin Hilderbrand. I love her books, which usually take place on Nantucket - a place I’ve never been but feel like I have just from reading. But this series takes place on St. John so I’ve been dreaming of going to the beach.

What should I read next? I’d love to hear what you’re loving. 

MOOD SHIFTER

Try this thought swap to shift your mood.

🔴 Instead of: “It’s my job to make sure everyone’s okay."

🟢 Try: “Other people’s feelings are valid — and not mine to manage.”

You can be empathetic without being responsible. That’s a boundary that protects both of you. For more on this, check out this podcast episode on the Let Them theory.

WORK WITH ME

I currently have one spot open for one-on–one coaching. If you want to know more, send me a message. I’d love to talk with you and see if we’re a fit.