Reduce Thanksgiving Drama
Thanksgiving is upon us. It often seems that along with turkey and mashed potatoes, this season can also bring some family drama. Most of the time drama is nothing more than a story we create in our own mind. If you have been following me for a while, you'll know that I teach that our thoughts create our feelings, which drive our behavior. A lot of times our brain will create thoughts and stories based on minimal facts.
For example:
Let's say I text my babysitter after school to see how my kids are doing. Within a 2 minute window, she doesn't answer. I immediately think one of two things are true: 1. She forgot to pick them up and they are standing outside in the cold at school, confused about what to do and alone, or 2. There has been an awful car wreck and if I had picked them up myself they'd be fine.
I assume you have your own version of this doomsday story, too. The story I've created drives feelings of anxiety, guilt, regret. I am unable to be present at work, because I'm worried about my cold children standing outside their schools alone, wondering where their Mom is.
Let's remove the drama, which is the story my brain so nicely created for me, and just look at the facts. The facts are: I texted her at 3:24 and it's 3:26 and she hasn't answered yet. Period. That's all the information I have. The rest is a story.
So just think about the potential for Thanksgiving drama if I could create all of that panic around a 2 minute window. Imagine for example that we are having Thanksgiving dinner at my parents' house at 2 pm. We are all to arrive at 12:30 with our various dishes. My sister shows up at 1:58* and has made her assigned stuffing, but used a new recipe. This could send me into:
She is always late. She doesn't care at all about me or my family. How could she change Grandma's stuffing recipe? It's just her way of saying she doesn't care about our family traditions. I'm so mad I'm not sure I can even eat.
These thoughts drive a feeling of anger. And resentment. Those feelings rob me of the ability to be present and peaceful at my family's table.
So again let's ask - what facts do I have? The facts are:
We are eating at 2
My sister arrived at 1:58
She brought stuffing
Anything beyond that is just fabricated. It could be true or couldn't. It's likely to cause me much more distress than my sister if I worry about it.
If you find yourself getting worked up about a family situation, ask yourself this question:
What are the facts?
Review the facts and see them for what they are, which is a bare bones outline of a potential story. Choose to focus on the facts. Choose to be present and enjoy what you can!
PS *Please let the record show that this is a dramatization. My sister has never been late for anything in her life and will get anxiety just reading this fake story about her being late. Thanks.