An Umbrella For Your Thoughts

Imagine you are making a quick run to the grocery store to pick up a hostess gift on your way to a friend's house for dinner. While you are inside, you look out the store window and see that, out of nowhere, it's pouring rain. Torrential downpour. You weren't expecting it to rain. You are dressed up and have on shoes that aren't exactly made for running, or rain. You stare out the window and debate on using your shopping bag as a cover for your head, or just waiting it out for a while to see if it passes, which will make you late.  

Then you remember that you have an umbrella! And that it's in your purse, which is in your hand! Suddenly, even though it's raining, you are back on track. Yes, it's slightly annoying to run out in the rain, but you have what you need and head out the door.  

So what's this got to do with our thoughts, you ask? Imagine your thoughts are the unexpected pouring rain. They seem to come out of nowhere, at the least convenient times. Let's go back to an earlier example where we are worried that "everyone" is judging us for a decision we've made. When that thought comes up, it is much like the rain, where suddenly you are panicked, and don’t know what to do. You can't outrun them, you can't wait them out. But you CAN get out your umbrella.

Perfect shoes for a rainy day!

The umbrella for your thoughts is simply noticing them and asking the simple question "is that REALLY true? Do I have evidence for that being true?" It's acknowledging that our brain throws out thoughts with us meaning to think them. But we do have a chance to question them, and decide if we buy in to what our brain is suggesting.  

I'll share a recent umbrella situation that I had, so you can get a better idea of what I mean. My whole family was in town unexpectedly and I had, weeks prior, signed up to go to a fancy dinner celebration for the 40th anniversary of my son's school. It's an amazing school for kids with learning disabilities, and I spend a lot of free time volunteering for the school. So this wasn't just a random dinner, it was really meaningful for me. Meanwhile, my whole family was making plans to do something that Friday night. I started feeling really guilty, started thinking that my sister would be upset with me for not spending time with her family when they drove 15 hours to be in town. My thoughts were a downpour of rain, that were sure to ruin my Friday no matter which option I chose! So I grabbed my "umbrella" and questioned those thoughts in my brain. Does my family know how much I love my son's school? Yes. Did I buy the ticket long before I knew my sister was in town? Yes. Will everyone in my family have a fun time even if I'm not there? Yes.  

Basically, pulling out the umbrella to stop the downpour of thoughts was just enough to make me realize that "everyone" probably understood my choice, and even if they didn't, I did understand my choice! Whew. Thanks to that umbrella, I was able to have a great time at the dinner, and my kids had a great time with the rest of my family.  

The best part is that you don't even have to pack your umbrella in your purse. Once you learn this skill, you have it with you all the time.  

If this is something you struggle with often, I urge you to set up a free 1 on 1 session with me. I help clients turn their thoughts around. With practice, you can learn to let go of untrue negative thoughts, which can change your entire outlook on life. It's so freeing!