Best and Worst Friends
Think about your most favorite friend for a minute. The one you’d LOVE to meet for dinner tonight, if going out to dinner was an option.
She’s the friend who will keep your secret forever, stick up for you even when you act like a fool (but call you out in private) and do anything for you - day or night. The friend who gives you energy and makes you feel better about everything - even if nothing was wrong in the first place.
Those kind of friends are the red skittles in the candy of life.
And then there’s the polar opposite . . . the toxic relationship. This friend/mom/boss/spouse sucks the life out of you, always leaving you feeling drained and exhausted.
You never quite trust them, always knowing there's a pretty good chance they’ll throw you under the bus or let you down. You give and they take, period.
Ugh. We’ve all been there. If you’re currently in a toxic relationship, today is the perfect day to start drawing some boundaries to protect and respect yourself. Ponder the three questions below, and notice that none of the questions are about the other person. You can’t change the other person.
Why do you allow yourself to be in the company of this person? (“I don’t know” is not an allowed answer, dig deep!)
What would happen if you just stopped talking to this person?
If #2 isn’t possible, what could you start doing today to draw a boundary? For example: Limit your communication to replying to their texts when it suits you, deciding that this person no longer has the power to ruin your day, putting effort into making or keeping a good and true friend instead, etc.
If you’d like help creating boundaries, reach out to me. I’ll give you a free hour of coaching to help you get started.
PS: If you find yourself saying “If s/he would do X, I would feel better” that is a red flag that you’re looking for the wrong solution. Anytime a solution involves someone else changing, you’re barking up the wrong tree.