Cady’s Toxic Relationship . . . with herself

When I started working with Cady earlier this year, she was in a very toxic relationship. The kind that can ruin, well, everything in your life. The worst part is that the toxic relationship was with herself. 

If you opened your mailbox today and had a Christmas card from Cady, let me tell you what you’d see. A family of four standing on the front porch of a beautifully decorated brick home. Cady is beautiful and perfectly put together with a brilliant smile, leaning toward her handsome husband. In front of them are two equally beautiful and well dressed children, one girl and one boy. They even have the adorable, fluffy-but-doesn’t-shed dog to complete the picture. 

But I know even more than that picture-perfect card because I really know Cady. Her beauty on the outside is nothing compared to her sweet, thoughtful, loyal inner beauty. She’s smart, successful, and well respected at work. She’s an awesome Mom and daughter. So how could she hate and disrespect herself? 

Cady first came to me because she was sick of other people treating her badly. She’d had enough of everyone acting like she was a doormat. 

Once we dug into that story, Cady realized that other people were treating her the way she treated herself. 

We started with her thought “I'm tired of being treated like shit by people” and came up with a more empowering version thought that was “I’m learning to respect myself.” 

We made the thought about Cady, and put her in the driver’s seat. Learning to love yourself and respect yourself doesn’t happen overnight. But it’s entirely possible. 

We dug in and found more thoughts that ran around in Cady’s brain regularly, including: 

“I always blame myself for everything even when it's not my fault” or 

“I’m disgusted with myself” 

And replaced them with thoughts like:  

“I am ready to begin a good relationship with myself” 

"I'm learning to love myself for exactly who I am" 

And in the end, Cady wrote this mantra for herself: 

“I am accepting of my flaws and my good traits. I am so much stronger. I am living in the present. I am grateful for what I have, which gives me more positive thoughts. The critical voice in my head is getting more and more quiet. For the first time, I respect myself and expect it from others.” 

By the time we finished coaching, Cady had an entirely different energy than when we started. She loved herself, and it showed. She treated herself well, which taught others to treat her the same way. 

Imagine my delight when I received a text from her this week describing how she’d handled a toxic relationship with a friend. She realized that this friend had treated her badly for years, and that a woman who respects herself doesn’t have friendships like that. She kindly and calmly broke up with the friend, saying to me “I set a firm boundary, I unfriended her on Facebook, and I let it go. She has no power over me anymore and it feels so good.” 

Oh Cady, I’m so proud of you!

If you struggle with self love, being taken advantage of, or trouble setting boundaries, please talk to me. I can help you feel so much better, and it’s a change that sticks for life. Invest in you!