Emotional Labor, Part 2
If you haven’t read it yet, check out last week’s post about Emotional Labor. Spoiler alert: It’s all the work we’re doing in our heads to keep everything together all the time for everyone.
Based on your feedback via email and Calm Moms Collective posts, we are doing lots of emotional labor! Now that we know this is a thing, let’s talk about what to do with it.
Notice it. Last week I asked you to capture the thought you have when you are the person keeping everything together for everyone. Here’s an example that may resonate with you.
What is the thought in your head when you feel like you are doing all of the emotional labor in your family?
I’m so annoyed that I’m the only one who does everything. No one even notices.
How does that thought make you feel?
Resentful, angry, bitter.
Does your thought make the situation better or worse?
Worse. Because I’m doing all the work, and I’m mad about it too.
Do your thoughts and actions need to change?
Yes.
What needs to happen in order for your situation to change? Important note: This has to be something YOU can control. A good answer is NOT “my husband needs to do more,” instead choose something that you can control. For example, you can:
Make a list of things that you are willing to let go of. Realize that the results, such as letting your child empty the dishwasher, will not be the same quality as when you do the job. Remind yourself that you will survive the child-dishwasher-emptying situation.
Make a list of things to simply stop doing because they don’t need to be done. (If your immediate thought here is - but it ALL has to be done - check yourself, sister! I bet you one million dollars there’s something you can drop.)
Communicate with your family about how you are feeling in a kind and problem-solving fashion.
Find gratitude in what you are doing and will continue to do. Consider the thought “I feel lucky to be the person who runs this family, even if it’s a lot of work”
Plan a day where you have the entire day off from everything. (If your thought was - oh Michelle, that’s impossible, I say again with love, check yourself, sister! There is a way.)
Journal on the question “why I believe I need to do everything” and discover the reasons you are doing so much work. (Hint: Sometimes we need to be needed.)
Where can you make positive progress for your own situation?
If you believe you are stuck and there is no way to lighten your own load, you can be sure that’s true. If you believe this can change, it can.
Take some positive action on the Emotional Labor in your life. Let me know how it goes. I’m cheering you on!