The Enough Jar

Imagine that when you were a little girl, someone handed you an empty glass jar and told you that when it gets full, you’ll be “good enough”. 

When you do a good job, you’ll get a piece of colorful candy to drop in the jar. Only other people can give you the candy. But it’s worth the striving because once it’s full, you’ll be loved and cherished and can relax because you’ve made it. 

You get started right away on earning your enoughness. 

🍭You get straight As in school. 

🍬You please your parents, excel in sports or singing or whatever your talent is. 

🍭To please your peers, you go along with what they do, even when your gut tells you it’s wrong, because you need to earn candy for your jar. 

By the time you’re 18, you’ve accumulated quite a bit of candy and it feels good. Now you just need to press on. 

🍭Keep those good grades going, finish college and maybe grad school. 

🍬Then, get a great job and get promoted and marry the right person and have perfect kids and be the perfect mom. 

🍭When your peers appreciate the pinterest-worthy birthday parties you host, you get more candy in your jar.   

Whew. After all that striving, the jar is full. You got them all.  

But you still don’t feel enough. You wonder what is happening. You keep going and collect more. Now the jar is overflowing, but you still don’t feel good enough. 

That’s because the whole idea that we need to get our “enoughness” from other people’s opinions and our accomplishments isn’t true. It’s never been true. 

You were enough from day 1, just like you’re enough right now. You’re not enough because of your straight As. You’re enough because you’re you, and you’re alive, and you’re lovable exactly as is. You don’t have to strive to be lovable or valid or accepted. It’s done. You just get to decide. 

PS Teaching women to feel “enough” is one of the keys to my coaching program. If you’ve been collecting candy for your jar all of your life and still feel like it’s not enough, set up a discovery session with me to learn about 1 on 1 coaching. We can change that. 💓

PPS I love collecting candy in my imaginary jar. Everyone likes a pat on the back. Collect all of the candy you want. Just make sure it’s not what defines your worthiness.