The Love & Fit Test

When you say “yes” but really wanted to say no, you start the Yes-Then-Stress cycle. It starts with a quick, “Sure, I can do that!” and ends with resentment, exhaustion, and wondering why you never have time for yourself. The truth is, every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, you’re saying no to something you do want—whether it’s more time with your family, a friggin’ minute to yourself, or even just the ability to breathe between commitments.

Enter: The Love and Fit Test

To break this cycle, I developed a super-simple tool I call the Love and Fit Test. It’s a quick mental check to help you decide whether to say yes or no to any request or opportunity. All you have to do is ask yourself two questions:

1. Do I absolutely love this idea?

- Does it excite me? Would I do it even if nobody expected me to?

2. Does it fit into the life I’m trying to create?

- This is NOT a question of whether or not it fits on your calendar, but does it fit in to the type of life you want. (For me, I’m always trying to create a calm, authentic life, what you're trying to create could be different. )

Here’s how it works:

- If both answers are yes, then it’s a clear yes to the commitment.
- If both are no, it’s a clear no.
-If it’s a mix of yes and no, this is where you need to pause and reflect to decide if it’s a yes or no.

Let me give you a real-life example. A while back, I was asked to organize a school event. It wasn’t part of my job, but I’m good at planning, and I knew I’d do a great job. I asked myself:

- Do I absolutely love this idea? Honestly, not really. I was already feeling spread thin.

- Does it fit into the life I’m trying to create? No. My goal is to maintain a balanced schedule and avoid overwhelm.

So, I said no. And you know what? The world didn’t end. Someone else took on the project, and I was able to keep my time and energy focused on what mattered most to me.

How to Say No Without Guilt

Saying no can feel awkward or even a little selfish, but it doesn’t have to be. A simple, polite response is all you need. Try:

- “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t take that on right now.”
- “I appreciate the offer, but I need to pass this time.”
- “No, thank you.”

And remember: clarity is a gift. When you say no with confidence, it’s not only good for you—it also sets a healthy example for others.

Try It This Week!

My challenge to you this week is to try the Love and Fit Test for yourself. The next time someone asks you to do something, take a moment to pause and run it through these two questions. You might be surprised by how empowering it feels to make choices that truly align with the life you want.

And if you need support learning how to say no, set better boundaries, or break free from the people-pleasing habit, reach out to me. I have a spot open for one-on-one coaching, and I’d love to help you create a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside. The first step is to set up a free call with me here.

SELF- CARE TIP

When I suggest that a client try meditation, the response I hear most often is, “I have a busy brain, I have a hard time focusing on ‘nothing’ when I try to meditate.” ME TOO. I either end up making a grocery list in my head or falling asleep. So, instead of just sitting in silence, try a guided meditation.

But, why?

The benefits of meditation are well documented, but here’s my personal “why”. I wear an Oura ring which tracks all kinds of stuff including my day time stress. Look at what happens to my stress level during and after meditation. I see this every time I meditate. I feel calm and re-energized. Doing this habit almost daily for years - in fact I can see in my meditation app that I’ve meditated 1525 days (!!) - has had an important and amazing effect on my life.

Start small. It doesn’t have to be every day and it doesn’t have to be long. This is a free 5 minute meditation you could try this week.

LOVING LATELY

Who else is watching season 3 of The White Lotus?? Wow—this show just keeps delivering! Between the stunning scenery and the intense/fascinating/weird characters, it's the perfect escape at the end of a long day. Anyone else watching?

PONDER THIS

If you could reclaim one hour of your time each week, what would you do with it? Hit reply and let me know, I’m curious!

Have a great week!