Ep #62: How to Feel Content at Work (Even if Nothing Changes)
episode summary
Have you ever felt stuck and unfulfilled at your job, wondering if there's a way to find happiness without making drastic changes?
In this episode, my client Kari will share how she found happiness at work, despite her work situation staying exactly the same.
In this episode, you'll learn:
A practical strategy to manage work frustrations and leave work at work.
How group coaching can provide a supportive environment for personal growth and accountability.
How planning for what you DO want instead of reacting to what you don't will give you the life you want (even a puppy sometimes!).
Tune in now to uncover the secrets of finding joy and satisfaction in your daily work life, and start your journey towards personal transformation.
Featured on the podcast:
The Good Life group coaching waitlist
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For the full show notes and transcript, head over here.
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Discover practical strategies to overcome imposter syndrome, manage time effectively, and cultivate a calm and positive mindset while setting boundaries and combating negative self-talk in high-stress jobs, all while learning how to say no and prioritize self-care on the 'Overwhelmed Working Woman' podcast.
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CHAPTERS:
1:51 - Why Sign Up for Group Coaching?
6:12 - Control What You Can
12:40 - Write It Down
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Kari: 0:00
I remember being at work one day and nothing about the situation had changed at all, but I just wasn't worked up about it.
Michelle Gauthier: 0:13
You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less. I'm your host, M ichelle Gauthier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach. On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life. Hello, and thank you so much for joining. Today we're going to hear from my former client, Ka ri. I love her story because she was feeling stuck and unfulfilled at her job, but wasn't sure if she wanted to make the drastic change of trying to move jobs or industries, and so what she did instead - and you'll learn in this episode - was applied some strategies for managing her work frustrations, got herself into an environment where she had lots of support outside of work and then started planning for what she did want in her life. We're going to give you more details on all of those, and I just have to drop this early to say she also did get a puppy. Maybe that did or did not help the situation. Let's hear from Kari. Thank you so much, Ka ri, for being here. I appreciate you joining and maybe getting yourself out of your comfort zone to be on a podcast. Kari was a member, as I mentioned, of a group coaching cohort, and so my questions for you will be centered around that, the first one being when you heard about the opportunity to join group coaching, how did you feel? And then why did you decide to join?
Kari: 1:51
When I first heard about group coaching, I thought, ' I bet that will be super great for those people who sign up for that'. And then I moved on with my day. T the reason I decided to actually take the plunge and do it was that I was feeling some frustration at my job, just feeling kind of stuck, underappreciated, just kind of down on it, and that was starting to get concerning to me, because I spend a huge chunk of my waking hours at my job, and the fact that I wasn't really feeling very happy or fulfilled there was starting to bleed over into the rest of my life.
Kari: 2:28
And so I wanted to see if there was a way to fix that and be a little happier.
Michelle Gauthier: 2:34
Okay, that's great. When you say it was bleeding over into other areas of your life, tell us what you mean by that.
Kari: 2:40
I was having a hard time just sort of turning it off and then sort of reintegrating back into my outside life. I was grumpy still after work, I was a little shorter with my husband than he deserved me to be and I just wasn't feeling my best self.
Michelle Gauthier: 2:58
Yeah, yeah, it's so true. Because when you're spending a big chunk of your day, I mean, you're not saying you felt stressed out, I'm putting these words in your mouth, but feeling stressed or overwhelmed or underappreciated or whatever it is, it's hard to just walk out the door and be like, okay, I'm gonna leave that there, I'm gonna go home and go on with my life. So that makes sense. Did you have hesitations about being in a group?
Kari: 3:37
Yeah, I wasn't quite sure how that would work because obviously I wouldn't know any of the people in it and I tend to be a person who is not interested in being vulnerable with people who haven't known me for fourteen years. So that part made me a little bit nervous. But, ultimately, I sort of reasoned that we were all there for the same reason - that we had something that we really wanted to work on, wanted to have going better in our lives - and the only sort of way to do that well was to be vulnerable. And since we were all being vulnerable together, that made it feel safer.
Michelle Gauthier: 4:01
Yes, absolutely. Same for me. When I first joined a group coaching of another coach, when I first started coaching, and I thought, ' I don't think I'm ever going to talk.' T that's what I decided. I'm just going to be quiet. And I'm sure on the first or second call I was, because when everybody else is, it feels good to be like oh, you're not the only one. I, too, don't love being vulnerable, but I'm going to tell you what's going on with me. Okay. So eventually, as the group started, can you remember a point at which you started thinking, 'O kay, I think I feel better'.
Kari: 4:33
Yeah, I mean, I don't remember like it was February 8th or anything like that, yeah, but I remember just being at work one day and nothing about the situation had changed, at all. But I just wasn't worked up about it. It was like being dead inside, but in a good way.
Michelle Gauthier: 4:56
That's such a great explanation. Purposely dead inside, to my own benefit.
Kari: 5:01
Just sort of being able to be like, yeah, this is annoying, and a little while ago this would have really gotten me riled up, and I would have taken that home with me and either had to tell my husband all about why I was so worked up, or I would just come home grumpy. But I was just like you know, i t just sort of is what it is and that's - I can't change that.
Michelle Gauthier: 5:25
So yes, yes, so nothing about your actual job changed, c orrect? Y yeah, so it was just the way that you were looking at it, your expectations, and all those things that changed the way that you feel, and feel dead inside in a good way. I love that; that's the best. I need to steal that.
Kari: 5:46
Just not being so reactive to the situation I was in was really helpful.
Michelle Gauthier: 5:50
Yeah, what somebody else is doing. I think it's so easy to give other people - to put other people in charge of the way that we feel. So if they do this, then I'm going to feel that way, and once you take that back, it's amazing how much control you have over how you feel, no matter what they do.
Kari: 6:07
Yeah, exactly.
Michelle Gauthier: 6:07
So what would you say was your favorite or best thing that you learned in coaching?
Kari: 6:12
The most important thing I learned in coaching - I mean, there's a lot of important things, like adjusting my expectations, or going through the thought model, but I felt like they all really hinged on my most most important thing, which is to really honestly evaluate what is in my control and what is outside of my control and then to commit to only working on the things that are inside of my control. So, like adjusting expectations, I was expecting people to behave in ways in which they had never behaved, and so I was just setting myself up to suffer there, because why on earth would they all of a sudden change their behavior? But I needed to fully - before I could adjust those expectations, I needed to fully realize that their behaviors were not at all in my control, but my expectations about them were.
Michelle Gauthier: 7:02
Yes, that's such a great example. A and I think sometimes people will say, well, I know that's not in my control, and I think that's the easy part to be like, oh, it's not in my control, but then to actually act from there. And the second part that you said is the most powerful, which is choosing to only work on things that are in my control instead of spending literally any energy thinking about what someone else is doing. If you can do that, the rush of energy that you get back for yourself and the things that you care about in life can be really amazing.
Kari: 7:33
Yeah, it's one of those things that, you know it intellectually before coaching. You understand on some level that you can't actually control other people. B but it doesn't stop you from trying.
Michelle Gauthier: 7:49
Yeah, exactly. I feel like I was going to the Olympics for trying to control what other people are doing. I gave it the best try ever. It just does not work ever.
Kari: 7:55
I know; I'm trying my absolute best to get this situation the way I want it, but I just couldn't do it, and so it really was more helpful to focus on what I was doing instead of what everyone else was doing.
Michelle Gauthier: 8:10
Yes, and I think that we talked about this in coaching, b ut you've just reminded me of a fun tool that I use myself sometimes, which is to try to guess someone's expectations, like what they're actually going to do. So you have your expectation, like maybe, I don't know, I have my expectation that my daughter is going to be happy when she wakes up in the morning and get ready for school on time. And then you have that expectation that never, ever, comes true, to your example, and then just kind of turn it into a game to say, I'm going to try to guess exactly what she's actually going to do, and then I'll win. So when she wakes up and she's kind of cranky at me, and she's dragging her feet the whole time and barely getting out the door to school, I'm like I won. I knew it, I knew it. I nailed it.
Kari: 8:52
Gamify it!
Michelle Gauthier: 8:54
Yes, exactly! To turn it into a fun game, because then you get to be right, and that's always fun, when you can know, yes, when you can know that you're going to be right. Okay, all right, great. How is your life different now? So just for reference for everybody listening, you finished coaching, let's see, four or so months ago, so it's been a little while. So how is your life different now since you finished group coaching?
Kari: 9:18
So, like I said, my problem wasn't solved the way that I had envisioned it was going to be solved, because I still have the same job. I still have most of the same things that frustrate me about that job, but I do feel like I am calmer about it and the things that used to really - I mean it's not that I've never gotten upset since coaching happened, but I don't get upset as often, not nearly as often, and that, I think, has also allowed me to look at the frustrations I have with more logic and thoughtfulness and not just reacting emotionally to 'Arghhhhhh, Everything is terrible' It's like, well, let's think about it a little bit more.
Michelle Gauthier: 10:03
Yes, yes, exactly. We just did an episode a couple weeks ago where the guest was explaining that when you get upset about something, you literally just can't think clearly. You don't have access to clear thoughts, biologically speaking. So yeah, if you can look at them as like a gamified thing, laugh at your annoyances, then you can really figure out how to solve the actual problem. That's great. That's such a great example. Okay, as a random bonus question that I just thought of: in group coaching, one of the things we do in like the second or third session is we listen to a future- envisioning meditation, and then you create a vision board and Kari, your vision board part that came true - one of the parts that came true - was my absolute favorite, so can you tell everyone about that please?
Kari: 10:48
Yeah, so my vision board had all kinds of stuff on it. Some of the things were a little bit more general and I've stuck with those, and some things were a little bit more specific and most of those haven't materialized yet. But the big one that did was, I put a puppy on my vision board because I am such a dog person, I love dogs so much, and we didn't have one and I really, really, really, really wanted one. And now we do have a puppy and it's thrilling.
Michelle Gauthier: 11:18
That was the best. I think it was like the last week of coaching or something that you posted it in the Facebook group and we were all like, yeah, everyone's like good for you.
Michelle Gauthier: 11:28
Way to go. Yes, exactly, and the point of that is not if you join group coaching that you will get a puppy, but if you join group coaching, you will definitely learn how to focus on what you want for your ideal day in your future and then learn how to make choices about your life in that direction, instead of just not thinking about it or hoping it's going to magically come true somehow. So that was just like. A fun bonus was that you also got a puppy.
Kari: 11:55
Yeah, and you have a little group of people who will cheer for you when you do it, which was also lovely.
Michelle Gauthier: 12:00
Exactly! T hat was so fun. I mean, every time somebody had a good result, we were all like, 'Y es, that's amazing!' Yeah, it's true, you do get really bonded. I did a survey at the end of coaching and asked people like, what was your favorite part about being in the group? And every single person in both of the groups I've done so far said the people. It's so fun to be with the people who are also trying to change their lives and encouraging us and seeing us as way better than we see ourselves. We feel like we're not making as much progress and they remind us yeah, you are, you're doing awesome. Okay, Now the two questions that I ask every guest. The first one is what's something that you can do to make yourself feel less stressed or overwhelmed?
Kari: 12:40
Okay, the thing that I do that makes me feel less stressed or overwhelmed is just to write it down. Everything gets written down. If you have a system for yourself currently, that's great. If you don't have a system, I really recommend that people get a system like the G getting T things D done methodology or something like that. But because our brains are so much better at processing information than they are about just storing things, we want to use our brain and all that magical power in there to process and solve problems and get things done, and we're just slowing it down by having all of these things that we're trying to remember to do. So an ytime a random thought pops into my head that I need to remember, like o h, I've got to get shoes for that wedding in July, I write it down, and then my brain can relax and be like, okay, cool, she wrote it down, now she will remember to do it. I don't have to worry about forgetting it. I can go back to being fully engaged with whatever I was doing or with whoever I was talking to, and I think that that really helps me focus and increases my productivity, which then, in turn, makes me feel less overwhelmed because I'm getting things done and I'm not just getting pulled off in a bunch of different directions all the time.
Michelle Gauthier: 13:52
Yes, and how do you make sure - f or example, if you just write that down on a random page of a notebook and then you never flip back to that page, it's not going to get done, or at least in my case it wouldn't get done. I don't know that G et T hings D one methodology. So what is yours? Tell us more.
Kari: 14:09
Yeah, G etting T hings D one is sort of like - o ne of the ways you can do it is through GQueues, but the way that - I haven't quite fully adopted that system yet, but one of the ways I do it is I use - it's a little anachronistic - but I still use like a paper planner and I write things down in it and it's by date and I look at that every single day and then when something gets done, you cross it off. When I have the thought immediately I'm like, oh, I got to do that, I will go be like okay, I've got to get shoes for the wedding in July. It's at the end of July, so I need to do the. I'll look and decide, I'll spend some time this weekend, and I'll write it down.
Michelle Gauthier: 14:41
So you put it where you're going to do the thing.
Kari: 14:44
Yeah, I schedule it for when I'm going to d o it, or, you know, if it's a personal thing that I think about while I'm at work, I will send myself an email to my personal email account from my work one, or if it's the opposite, I will send myself a work email just so that it's present, a nd then, before I can file that email or cross the item off, I have to either take the action or schedule it some other time.
Michelle Gauthier: 15:09
That's a great plan, because then you do exactly what you said, get it out of your head, but also ensure that it is somewhere where you'll see it again or think about it again. That's great. I love that. Great tip. Okay, and then what's something you consistently do to save time?
Kari: 15:25
I'm a big meal planner. I'm not necessarily huge on prep, but I love to plan everything, Like right now. I am meal planned through July 10th.
Michelle Gauthier: 15:34
Oh my gosh, I'm so jealous. Once again, tell us your methods. That's amazing.
Kari: 15:43
Sometimes I have to wait for inspiration to strike, but when it does, when I'm in the mood where everything sounds delicious and I really want to do it, I go in, a nd my husband made me a little website where I could plug in what I'm going to, what my meal plan is, and it really saves me a bunch of time because I'm not having to think about it every day or every week being like, 'O h, what are we gonna eat? I don't know'. And then having the plan of what we're gonna eat for the week makes grocery shopping a one and done, not like, 'O h, now I gotta go back to the store because I didn't think that we were gonna have this food, and now we are and I don't have it'. I mean, it can change. Sometimes we get an invitation for dinner to go out that I hadn't considered when I made the plan, but then I just bump that meal to another day and it's one less day after plan for the next week or whatever.
Michelle Gauthier: 16:28
So that is amazing, oh my gosh. And how do you - t his is kind of like the question about the to-dos. So how do you get from your plan of the recipe, to your grocery list, to the food being in your house?
Kari: 16:42
So I have an app or some sort of yeah, I guess it's an app, called Pepper Plate where I store recipes that I find on the internet. And then I have the website my husband made me. It has the calendar for the meal plan, but it also has a place where I can make and color code a grocery list. So, and then I arrange the things in the order in which I will go through the store and it's color coded by store. So I know that this is going to happen at Aldi and this is going to be at Trader Joe's, and this is going to be at Schnucks, and then I do my own grocery shopping still, but just having that list makes it so efficient. Yes, in order too. I know the path I'm going to go through the store and the list reflects that and it's just easy.
Michelle Gauthier: 17:30
That is so amazing. I can't even imagine if we tried to calculate how much time j Just that step, just the step of having the list in the order that you're going to walk through the grocery store, could save you over time. That is so amazing. Great job, I absolutely love that. So even if people just take one of those steps, like planning the meals out or planning their groceries or whatever, I think that could be a huge win. Will you say the name of that app again that you use? I hadn't heard of that.
Kari: 18:00
Yeah, it's called Pepper Plate and it's a place where you can auto-import from a bunch of websites. Sometimes you have to do a manual import. I don't know if it's the best one that exists. I just started using it years ago and now I feel like and now I'm still using it because that's where all my stuff is.
Michelle Gauthier: 18:17
Yeah, I love that. I save stuff on Pinterest, which is not helpful as far as pulling it into somewhere or putting that onto a grocery list. I just have to manually put on my grocery list.
Kari: 18:30
Yeah, I think there's a functionality in Pepper Plate that I don't use, but I think you can add to shopping list or whatever else. Y you can share recipes with friends and everything else, so it's helpful for me.
Michelle Gauthier: 18:43
I love it. I love it. Those are two great answers. Thank you so much. Is there anything I haven't asked you about that you want to say about coaching or anything else?
Kari: 18:52
One question that you didn't ask me, but I did prepare an answer for w Was just for my favorite part about group coaching overall, and it was partly the people, but also it was just I really appreciated the accountability of it, because I don't usually - I'm not the type of person who takes the time to invest in myself like that, and if you had just given me the workbook and been like, okay, have fun, good luck to you, I would have maybe gotten through a third of it and then it would have just petered off the way things do. But knowing that we were going to meet on Friday and that people were going to ask me about the progress I made and I wanted to hear about the progress they made and knowing that they would be on to me if I hadn't done the work that I said I was going to do - it really kept me going through the entire program.
Michelle Gauthier: 19:41
Yeah, oh, that's awesome. I'm so glad that you added that. Thank you for saying that. And then, something that I offer in the program is, when you come to every class and you are prepared and you participate, you get a bonus at the end of free one-on-one coaching sessions as well, which you definitely earned. Okay, wonderful, thank you so much. Thank you for being here. That was great. As you just heard from Kari, who was a member of my group coaching program called the Good Life, you can totally change your life by applying simple tools that I teach inside that group. I would love to have you in the next round. Registration opens in July, but right now I have the pre-registration open so that you can get on the waitlist. Getting on the waitlist is important because when you're on the waitlist, you get notified before everybody else that it's open. So if you are for sure you want to do it and you want to get the first seat, get on the waitlist. I do limit the number because, like Kari said, we are small and supportive groups, so I do limit the number. If you're on the waitlist, you can sign up first and then, if you're on the waitlist, you get an extra bonus that everybody else won't get when they sign up during regular time, which is a bonus one-on-one coaching session with me, which is valued at $250. So go to the link in the show notes and get on the waitlist now and you will be the first to know when registration is open. , one other fun thing is now you can send me a text. So if you have a comment or a question about this episode, just click on the link in the show notes that says send a text. I just got a text earlier today that said I loved the podcast this week. It was super helpful. So thank you so much for that nice feedback. If you have a question or an episode idea, or even you just want to tell me something, go right ahead. I'd love to hear from you. Okay, don't forget to sign up for the group coaching and I will see you next week. Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com See you next week.
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