4 Rules to Manage Sentimental Clutter
See this adorable tea cup? This is in my home. It is also something I would probably never buy. It's more dainty and fancy than anything I own, and I don't drink much tea. BUT, it makes me feel happy. I just love it. It was my Nana's, and I simply adored her. She had a collection of tea cups from various places. Just one cup and saucer of a certain pattern, rather than a matching set. My Nana and Grandpa were warm, welcoming, and made me feel loved. When I look at this little tea cup, it makes me remember all of those feelings. My cousins and I all got a teacup after she passed away, which will you tell you how many she had because I have a LOT of cousins. I love knowing everyone else has one too, it makes me feel connected.
Why this random story about my tea cup? Because this is item is definite keeper. But that isn't always the case, and I'm here to help you let go of things that don't give you the "Nana's Tea Cup Feeling."
Let me use another example from my own life, which is a tablecloth from my Great Aunt Helen. The tablecloth was handmade. It didn't spark a bit of joy for me personally, except to make me smile thinking of Great Aunt Helen making it because she was a spunky lady who I really enjoyed. I kept this item in the bottom of a drawer for years, due to the rules I made up in my own mind, which were:
If the item is from someone I love, I have to keep it.
If the item is handmade, by anyone, I have to keep it.
If the gift giver ever comes to my house, he/she will expect it to be displayed and appreciated.
Now pile some guilt on top of all 3 and you've got a perfect situation to fill your house with things you don't love.
Luckily, I have re-written my made-up rules and I'd invite you to follow the revised, sane version:
Loving a person and loving an item they give you are two totally different things. The happy memories you have with that person will not be enhanced by keeping their tablecloth in a bottom drawer for 7 years. Nor will the memories be diminished by giving the item away.
If an item is handmade, by anyone, rule #1 still applies. Same goes for if the item belonged to the gift giver and they passed it on to you. Loving a person and loving an item are two different things. Just like you could love an item from someone you dislike, you can dislike an item from someone you love.
A gift is a gift and should be given with zero strings attached. Your responsibility as the receiver is to thank the person for the gift and appreciate the time they took to select and buy/make it for you. End of story. Yes, it's true, they might expect you to have it and cherish it forever. You can't help that. Just remember that your job is to sincerely thank the gift giver and that's it. Also remember this rule when you GIVE gifts. Your job is to happily give a gift, with no strings attached.
Now as for the guilt piled on top . . .ditch it. Guilt is the only feeling that I rarely find a good use for. If you must feel guilty, which I don't recommend, feel guilty that you're keeping an item that someone else could be using and loving, while you stash it in the bottom of a drawer!
Somewhere between the "Nana's Tea Cup Feeling" and the "Aunt Helen's Tablecloth Feeling" feeling, falls most difficult situation, known in my life as "Grandma's Dining Room Chairs Feeling." My Grandma's dining table and chairs was one of her prized possessions. She gifted me her table and chairs before she passed away. We had many dinners together at that table, both when it was hers and then when it was mine. I truly love the table. The chairs were a whole other story. They didn't go with anything my house. My house is contemporary and they were very ornate and classic. So I did what any normal person would do: stored them in my basement and paid movers to move them. Twice. Sigh.
Finally I came up with a do able solution. When revised rules 1, 2, and 3 don't do the trick, consider rule 4: Reduce/Reuse/Remake.
Reduce - If it's a set, say 10 chairs in my case, keep 1 or 2. I kept 2. I offered them to my cousins and siblings to make sure no one else wanted the ones I was giving away.
Reuse - Instead of using the remaining 2 as dining chairs, I use them an occasional chairs.
Remake - to make it fit more with the style of my home, I hired a talented woman to make new chair covers for them.
I love the chairs. I love the memories. I feel zero guilt!
Other examples of this could be resetting a stone from a ring into a new setting, having furniture painted (I love everything The Resplendent Crow does), framing a quilt square, or making a shirt or scarf into a pillow.
I hope this helps you let go of sentimental clutter. Remember, don't let a table cloth define your relationship with someone special. It has nothing to do with how much you loved them.
Happy De-cluttering!
Michelle